Earth Bond

[expedient]

There is nothing to defend.

Fel has specifically asked for feedback and criticism for this particular story.

And I'd like some honest feedback about this one. I tweaked these 3 chapters over and over, and still felt like it wasn't exactly right.

I also couldn't really think of a really good name, so I just went with that.

Anyway, read, consider, critique. And as always, enjoy.

I have offered one suggestion that more human characters might be needed in order to give them more flavor. At the moment we've only really got one and two-third human characters to go on and military/spy groups which haven't been fleshed out yet.

I've made some minor comments about how some of the technology descriptions might have been too specific as they mildly clash with the idea of much further advanced dragon technology over human tech, or seem anachronistic for 2017.

I pointed out that the earth drakes seem to have magic growth with their spikes and seem to be oblivious to it.

I felt mildly confused from the story descriptions as to the general anatomy of the dragons.

And finally, I pointed out two possible traps which may limit the feel of scope and diversity. One that if only the USA are ever mentioned as seeking information on the dragons then you could lose some of the global byplay that gives the story scale. The other is concerning racial stereotyping of the different dragon types where there is a danger of predictable responses without characterization. The two fire dragons working security in the department headquarters are a case in point, currently they are just nameless stooges.


Am I worried about any of these points? Not really, Fel has show himself to be a superior writer many times over. I'm only responding to his request for feedback. I'm not attacking him or this story. Again: I enjoyed it, I hope he continues it, it has great promise, it's already really good.

Fel can and will write what he damn well pleases. I don't expect him to make any significant changes based on what I have to say. Nor have I asked him to, I've just given him some basic impressions in an open forum.

By all means disagree with the points I've made, it's what makes these discussions interesting. There is no attack or demanding going on.

[GBLW]

Well then, just for discussions sake, I'm a visually oriented writer - in other words when I create a character I have a mental picture in mind for that character which often fits in with how the person acts or reacts. Now since I have a hard time visualizing anything but the garden variety dragon seen in comic strips etc, my thought would be to use pictures of dinosaurs as a place to find body types and I went hunting them online.
I found the following site: http://www.rareresource.com/dino_photos.htm which seemed to have a plethora of choices and best of all, lots of pictures.
For an Earth Dragon I'd probably go with something like an Euplocephalus, but might reduce the belly some and add front feet designed with heavy claws and strong muscles for digging. Oh and I'd have to mentally add a spiked tail. lol.
For a Water Dragons I'd probably do a minor rethink of a Pliosaur and for a fire Dragon it would be a Lesthosaurus. Then for a Sky Dragon I think I'd suggest something like a Microraptor and for the 'Snob' Dragons it would have to be something like an Oviraptor.

I do agree that since the US is certain that the dragon's island is in the Pacific the international community would get involved, The Chinese would probably be the first to actually start hunting, but they'd be followed quickly by the Japanese and Koreans. Of course Great Britain would interested because of her Pacific islands and Australia would jump into the hunt, even New Zealand might as well. Russia might even get into the act. (Of course if Canada still has Harper in office we might even send down a couple of natives in canoes and of course they'd have to be rescued by water dragons. )

kp

[Weresmilodon]

Actually, one thing i feel missing from this story is more international action. Right now it's sort of acting as if only the USA exist outside Draconia. If the agents jobs were to monitor all governments on earth, then they must have traveled all over it, at the very least the countries that have any form of organized information networks. But here we are, with at least 30% of their (known) transport capabilities locked into just one city, in one country. What of the rest of the world? Unless there have been as yet unknown event taking place, there should be a number of countries that can compete on a technological scale, as well as with 'information gathering' operations. What is it that makes Washington so vital that the Dragons will devote such a significant portion of their transport capabilities on it? There must be other locations of equal value out there, just one city in the entire world is bending the suspension of disbelief a little too far.

[expedient]

During the Cold War Washington was one of the main epicenters of spy activity. There was a huge market for information being exchanged and collected via embassies etc. How significantly that has changed in the last twenty years I don't know. Plus it is the political and military center of the nation most likely to uncover Draconia by technological or naval means today (or I'd guess by 2017). Of course, if Draconia were to be discovered by computer intrusion then that detection could come from almost anywhere on the planet. I agree with your overall premise that they have placed too many eggs in one basket. When the earth drakes were recovering (stealing) technology then that would be sourced from all over the planet. So did the chromatics help by frequently moving the scions or did they have to work around those constraints?

[Olli]

This is an opinion more than anything, but mentioning specific tech is a bad idea. It timestamps the story. I remember one story where the main character was boasting on his 'puters by mentioning that they were pentium III. Reading it today would be sad.

Tech is the fastest changing industry we have and all the things we now think are slick will be obsolete in ten years.

That's all.

[Weresmilodon]

Tech is the fastest changing industry we have and all the things we now think are slick will be obsolete in ten years.

Ten? Try more like two or thee, maybe five, depending on what it is.

[Wolfee]

I for one greatly enjoyed these 3 chapters and would like to see a few more.... I must say though that Jason and the Fey followed very closely by the world of Sennadar are my two favorite series that you have produced to date. Keep up the good work, looking forward to more!

[SYED]

Great Set of chapters, Always appriciate new stories of this quality being produced.

I wonder if Dragons will arrange for the services of both a Lawyer and a Public Relations agent? THose would be the best to aid them in any relationship with the human world, espeacially the PR agent for Public awareness of Dragons. Also, I wonder if Dragons would be interested in getting online degrees. It doesnt sound like there are many university options on the island, so able to officially call themselves doctor, would be a great draw on dragons. THe chromatic even as they sound very academic in magic, they seem to be very big in the theoretical sciences and disciplines as a possibility. I cna totally see dragons becoming bad ass online gamers, so great way to connect to humanity. Also they would be the ultimate neutral party, as to them humans are uppity and weird monkeys.
I wonder if Dragons have their own television show or Radio, I wonder if there might be trouble some earth dragons who produce their own pirate broad cast to annoy the council.
If their location does become known, I wonder if Dragons would officially claim uninhabited island close to them, for both farming and hunting, and possible expansion. If no one actually lives on them, they should be free game.
Are humans planning on creating plastic or wooden bullets to find a way to deal with earth dragons. Magic may be great, but I guess it cant stop an earth dragon spike, or they would be the ones who dealt with them.
I wonder if Kell would start communication with human scientists who are attempting to create Jet Packs for humans, together we will see humans and earth dragons flying every where. As they can already glide, they just need thrust.
There are loads of thing that Dragons can do to interact with humans.
Air Dragons could get involved in air show and other air events, if they are so Vain, they would love to show off to crowds of spectators. Infact that would be great way to convince their council representative to vote for interacting with humans, they would need members to show off and impress humans, who better than the dancers of the skies, also their speed at flight would make them the fastest to escape if needed. If they can fly so high, can they farm the obital junk up there. THey could be fast transport for cargo. I wonder if magically inclined air dragons or other, create illusions that they are santa and his reindeer at christmass, that would be hilarious. If they are skilled at weather magic they, could help predict and manage weather system, so potentially help mitigate super storm and hurricanes. Also being ableto create lightning on demand would be use ful for energy derived from lightning strikes, and wind would wind farms.
Waterdragons would make oceanic scientist weep at their sheer knowledge they must have, the sea floor must be littered with man made object, both historical and junk. THe historians would love to get their hands on artifacts, and the rest would help supply the dragons needs as it counts as sea salvage. The tech to refine such rubbish would be very valuable as well. I wonder if they could help perfect under water habitats, and help creat sea vessels capable of travelling every where. If they are immune from their element, does that mean they can explore polar waters or even ice as that would be cool.
Lost of industrial processes and refining methods involve large amounts of heat, so living creatures capable of breathing fire would be very valuable, they could help in mass production of thing very cheap so get a lot of money.
CHromatic would be easy to get money from humans, say they created a scion to allow a train from north america to europe, they could earn a fortune in transit fees. It would hammer the air cargo and sea cargo industry if distant continets could now be bridged by road or train. What is their range, if they could allow for travel too and from orbit, plenty of people willing to pay. How does scrying work, as there are many people with rewards on the heads and no magical protection. I doubt it but mars, would be a fortune for them, the abititly to explore and examine mars regularyly, but with out time constraints and expensive space mission would be a huge bonus, but range would be limited I guess .
Also do they know if Humans can learn magic or not, they could build their own hogwarts, there will be huge numbers that would want to apply or pay through the nose.
Earth dragons would be great for mining or tunneling. Do we know what their tail spikes are made of, potential there.They could also help track down internet crooks and pedophiles on line. That would bring a lot of good will, I can also totally see the earth dragons hacking the drug cartels and terrorist groups and robbing them blind. Also they could get alot of good will if money confiscated goes to charities.

Earth dragons have no magic, but the best at tech, I wonder if they know enough theory to create technomancy, that would be exceptionally cool. Could they help other types of tech, like space travel, that would be the ultimate draw. THe dragons have been watch long enough to have seen it themselves, they must be curious so they have their own theoretical plans for splace travel.
The earth dragons have no magic, yet their tail spikes grow back so quickly, that one fact makes me question about them having magic, when did any last try. Could the magic simply be compressed and shaped in to the spikes them selves, so they are a valuable resource in their own right.
So 1000 years ago Dragons seperated from humans, why? THey were the biggest things around, why move so far away, we weret a threat. Sure they wanted to avoid blood shead, mainly humans having being slaughtered by angry dragons, but how much damage could humans really do, I suppose with traps, amushes and other underhanded moves they killed some but, doubtfull many in large numbers.

Does any one else think it is suspicious that there are no drake chromatic dragons? My guess they were wiped out or fully interbreed with the wyverns and they sont want any one else to know. ANd i bet they wiped them out. Also the fact they have so many secrets is really strange. Any one want to be as magic dragons, they also have secret magics they never teach other breeds.

[GBLW]

Great Set of chapters, Always appriciate new stories of this quality being produced.

I wonder if Dragons will arrange for the services of both a Lawyer and a Public Relations agent? THose would be the best to aid them in any relationship with the human world, espeacially the PR agent for Public awareness of Dragons. Also, I wonder if Dragons would be interested in getting online degrees. It doesnt sound like there are many university options on the island, so able to officially call themselves doctor, would be a great draw on dragons. THe chromatic even as they sound very academic in magic, they seem to be very big in the theoretical sciences and disciplines as a possibility. I cna totally see dragons becoming bad ass online gamers, so great way to connect to humanity. Also they would be the ultimate neutral party, as to them humans are uppity and weird monkeys.
I wonder if Dragons have their own television show or Radio, I wonder if there might be trouble some earth dragons who produce their own pirate broad cast to annoy the council.
If their location does become known, I wonder if Dragons would officially claim uninhabited island close to them, for both farming and hunting, and possible expansion. If no one actually lives on them, they should be free game.
Are humans planning on creating plastic or wooden bullets to find a way to deal with earth dragons. Magic may be great, but I guess it cant stop an earth dragon spike, or they would be the ones who dealt with them.
I wonder if Kell would start communication with human scientists who are attempting to create Jet Packs for humans, together we will see humans and earth dragons flying every where. As they can already glide, they just need thrust.
There are loads of thing that Dragons can do to interact with humans.
Air Dragons could get involved in air show and other air events, if they are so Vain, they would love to show off to crowds of spectators. Infact that would be great way to convince their council representative to vote for interacting with humans, they would need members to show off and impress humans, who better than the dancers of the skies, also their speed at flight would make them the fastest to escape if needed. If they can fly so high, can they farm the obital junk up there. THey could be fast transport for cargo. I wonder if magically inclined air dragons or other, create illusions that they are santa and his reindeer at christmass, that would be hilarious. If they are skilled at weather magic they, could help predict and manage weather system, so potentially help mitigate super storm and hurricanes. Also being ableto create lightning on demand would be use ful for energy derived from lightning strikes, and wind would wind farms.
Waterdragons would make oceanic scientist weep at their sheer knowledge they must have, the sea floor must be littered with man made object, both historical and junk. THe historians would love to get their hands on artifacts, and the rest would help supply the dragons needs as it counts as sea salvage. The tech to refine such rubbish would be very valuable as well. I wonder if they could help perfect under water habitats, and help creat sea vessels capable of travelling every where. If they are immune from their element, does that mean they can explore polar waters or even ice as that would be cool.
Lost of industrial processes and refining methods involve large amounts of heat, so living creatures capable of breathing fire would be very valuable, they could help in mass production of thing very cheap so get a lot of money.
CHromatic would be easy to get money from humans, say they created a scion to allow a train from north america to europe, they could earn a fortune in transit fees. It would hammer the air cargo and sea cargo industry if distant continets could now be bridged by road or train. What is their range, if they could allow for travel too and from orbit, plenty of people willing to pay. How does scrying work, as there are many people with rewards on the heads and no magical protection. I doubt it but mars, would be a fortune for them, the abititly to explore and examine mars regularyly, but with out time constraints and expensive space mission would be a huge bonus, but range would be limited I guess .
Also do they know if Humans can learn magic or not, they could build their own hogwarts, there will be huge numbers that would want to apply or pay through the nose.
Earth dragons would be great for mining or tunneling. Do we know what their tail spikes are made of, potential there.They could also help track down internet crooks and pedophiles on line. That would bring a lot of good will, I can also totally see the earth dragons hacking the drug cartels and terrorist groups and robbing them blind. Also they could get alot of good will if money confiscated goes to charities.

Earth dragons have no magic, but the best at tech, I wonder if they know enough theory to create technomancy, that would be exceptionally cool. Could they help other types of tech, like space travel, that would be the ultimate draw. THe dragons have been watch long enough to have seen it themselves, they must be curious so they have their own theoretical plans for splace travel.
The earth dragons have no magic, yet their tail spikes grow back so quickly, that one fact makes me question about them having magic, when did any last try. Could the magic simply be compressed and shaped in to the spikes them selves, so they are a valuable resource in their own right.
So 1000 years ago Dragons seperated from humans, why? THey were the biggest things around, why move so far away, we weret a threat. Sure they wanted to avoid blood shead, mainly humans having being slaughtered by angry dragons, but how much damage could humans really do, I suppose with traps, amushes and other underhanded moves they killed some but, doubtfull many in large numbers.

Does any one else think it is suspicious that there are no drake chromatic dragons? My guess they were wiped out or fully interbreed with the wyverns and they sont want any one else to know. ANd i bet they wiped them out. Also the fact they have so many secrets is really strange. Any one want to be as magic dragons, they also have secret magics they never teach other breeds.

Actually I think much interaction of that sort between the Dragons and Humans would TOTALLY spoil the story. For instance there are only a few thousand Dragons and several BILLION Humans. Heck, a few dozen scud missiles all sent in one large flurry, or even a couple of atom bombs would wipe out the Dragon's whole island, at least once the humans knew where to aim.

Let's face it Humans are not known for being extremely accepting of other ethnic groups, let alone other races.

In effect I think most humans being ethnocentric, if not fully xenophobic, IS the story!

[Greymist]

I agree with most of the other comments, so I won't go over them again, but I will say:

I had no idea what a bearclaw was, and had to google/wiki it.

[Fel]

Earth dragon tail spikes are actually made from their blood. It crystalizes and grows out the spikes from the "follicle." The fewer the earth dragon has to grow, the faster they grow back. Yes, there's a magical aspect to it, as someone noted. I never said the earth dragons were completely nonmagical...I said that they had no innate magic powers. It's a fairly delicate distinction, but it IS rather important. All earth dragons have exactly 17 spikes, but they don't get all 17 until they reach maturity. They grow in one at a time, and the number of spikes on a youngling's tail is an indication of his maturity.

As to dragon anatomy, each dragon species is supposed to be unique, adapted to its role or element. Earth dragons are small yet sleekly muscular, like reptillian panthers, physically powerful but with a gymnastic build rather than a bodybuilder's build. Because they're burrowers, their wings are slightly smaller than what would be normal compared to their body size, but the trailing edges extend halfway down the tail when they're folded up.

Water dragons are streamlined for sliding through the water, and as to the "horizontal vs. vertical" debate, it's a simple matter of adaptation. Their tails aren't their primary propulsion, it's their wings. Like penguins, they "fly" through the water, and their heads and tails serve as their rudders, guiding them. A side to side tail action would actually run the risk of fouling the trailing edges of their wings when they're folded, so their tails move vertically when they use them rather than their wings, such as in tight spaces.

Sky dragons are long and thin but still resemble the classic dragon, with huge wings compared to their bodies, since it's their wings that produce the thrust while their levitation provides the lift. They're the only dragons that have a membranous vertical fin on their tails, membrane between bone spurs growing from the bones in the tail, to help act as a rudder in the air. They have slender legs and narrow feet, but they're equipped with long, powerful talons for snatching up prey, like an eagle's feet.

Fire dragons are the largest of all the dragon races, barrel-chested, and burly, the football jocks of the dragon races. When you think of a classic AD&D style fantasy dragon, it's usually a fire dragon. They're big, they're mean, and they breathe fire...you know, like fantasy dragons.

Chromatics are slender and not looking all that "scary," almost like reptillian peacocks, though they're hexapedal like all the other dragons. Chromatics are the nerds of the dragon races. They're the smallest of the "magical" wyrms, only larger than earth wyrms on the average...though Anthra is larger than about 10% of the chromatics of the same age. They're not very impressive physically compared to the others, but it's not their muscles you have to worry about, it's their magic.

There's also the feathers. Can you take a dragon with feathers seriously? Seriously?

Why are there no chromatic drakes? Because unlike the other races, the chromatics didn't differentiate between drake and wyrm, and the two strains interbred to the point where they formed a singular species. It's why chromatics are smaller than anything but earth wyrms.

[SYED]

So Earth dragons have no innate magic, nothing they are born with, so they means they can gain or learn magic. Due to the fact, none of them currently have magic, they dont know how yet. I wonder if spying on the Chromatic will help them discover this interesting. Could it potentially be a unique style only to the earth dragons. this talk of gaia seems very druidic.

[expedient]

Just for the record I'm completely satisfied with the further explanation of general dragon anatomy.

Compared against RL: panther and dolphin-like, not crocodile-like.

(Or compared against mythical beasts: griffin-like, not flying-serpent-like. )



In other matters: If I was POTUS/National Security Advisor I would task somebody to find out if there are any human mages left. I would proceed with extreme caution in approaching any such individual or organization.

[dellstart]

Well as some one who reads heaps and heaps of mangas ,the Earth dragons kind of remind me of your typical Oriental style dragon , with a few added frills. The others reminds me more of your typical fantasy or D&D type.That would go a long way to explain the prejudices as well.

http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/v ... Fiknn2Vr8o

[Koroby]

Any I the only one who thinks the Earth Dragon's once had magic? The story says the "normal" punishment for dragons is to be like Earth Dragons for a time. Is it possible the entire race was once punished and the Chromatics simply kept them that way as a labor force?